I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Randomize
