I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
