I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
