you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
