i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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