Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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