I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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