We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
