would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
