I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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