well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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