I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
She just used a chaser for red wine.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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