i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
