just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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