so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
