just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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