if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
