I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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