okay pat passed out under dana's car
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
