What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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