Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
