Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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