if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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