Kiss
Puke
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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