Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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