either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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