If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Randomize
