Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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