New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
