I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
