Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
