Nicole vs. Life
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
