I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
