We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
