Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
