Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
