oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
