best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
