I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
