i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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