OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
