soooo we both peed the bed last night...
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
