Acid is not a monday night drug
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
