Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
