jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
