He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
