I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
