just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
