Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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