yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
