The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
