to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
only you would photoshop your dick
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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