if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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