My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
