The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Mom said you looked used
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
