We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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